What is like to live in another country?

In case you were wondering what it feels like to live in another country, imagine playing a game you know.  Let’s use chess as an example.  You are playing the game with people but they seem to be using different rules.  Sometimes it even seems like they might be playing a different game, say checkers but with a chess set.  Sometimes the rules are so different that you think they must be playing Crazy 8s or some other card game, but with a chess set.  Yeah, sometimes you get that confused.  They all know the rules, but sometimes since you are playing, they use rules that only apply to you.  They would never use those rules with a member of their own society.

 

If it is not clear yet, the game being played is just living – meeting people, socializing, working, shopping, taking care of basic needs.  By now, you want concrete examples of what sound like a perfectly crazy way to live.  Its not the other way of playing the game or living life that sounds crazy, it being willing to come and play the game when you don’t know the rules.   Oh by the way,  they are not written down.  So here are some examples from my time in Indonesia

 

 

Rules that are different:

1. It is ok if you are tired to simply take a nap.  I have a full living room set in my office, to receive guests.  But part of the reason for the full sofa is so that I can take my mid-day rest comfortably. 
2. Use only your right hand to hand things to people, take food, and eat.  The left hand is reserved for other tasks.
3. Bathrooms do not have toilet paper.  You have to bring your own, or use the Indonesian method where the focus is on washing rather than wiping.  There is a good reason for right hand rule.
4. Doors with locks require a key on both sides of the door.  If you misplace your keys you cannot get out of the room or house in a hurry
5. Bargaining is a way of life.

 

Rules that seem to change:  

6. My office is in the library and right now the library is completely locked down.  I am locked in.  The metal gate is closed and chained.  This has never happened before.  Although the library closes during lunch time and on Friday, prayer time, normally there are staff members still working and the library is not locked up. 
7. There are places you NEVER wear shoes.  There are places where you always wear shoes.  The are places where sometimes you wear shoes and sometimes you don’t..  Normally you can figure it out because there are piles of shoes outside of the place.  But sometimes, there no shoes outside the place and you shouldn’t wear you shoes anyhow.  People have taken their shoes off and put them out of sight before going in.

 

Rules that only apply because its you: 

8. It is ok to shout out “hey mister or hey miss” to the foreigner.  It is not important to get the gender right.  Although they would NEVER greet another Indonesian this way, it is not only OK, sometimes it seems like the rules require it.
9.  It is also ok to randomly try to start up a conversation in English with a foreigner as he or she is walking past.  However, only do this once they have passed by.  If the local is already behind the foreigner, then the local won’t be embarrassed when their greeting is not returned
10. It is ok to charge the foreigner more for taxi fare, purchases, and other expenses.  The assumption is, if the foreigner does not understand the bargaining rule, than they deserve to pay more.

 

The first category of rules, those that are simply different, are really no big deal.  You just have to learn them and do your best.  The rules that seem to change, probably don’t change.  There are just variations that you don’t understand.  There must be a reason for my being locked in today.  Part of it was not making sure to say hello to the person who locks up when I came in today.  The rules that only apply to you, the foreigner, are a source of frustration.  And with these, you just have to accept that the game is played different when you are playing, and move on.